Well, in keeping a'breast of the news:
WASHINGTON — In a surprising turnaround, federal health advisers Wednesday recommended allowing silicone-gel breast implants to return to the U.S. market after a 13-year ban on most uses of the devices — but only under strict conditions that will limit how easily women can get them.
FDA's advisers said Wednesday that Mentor , a major provider of breast implants, had performed more convincing research that the implants only rarely break shortly after they're inserted — about 1.4 percent over three years — and showed some evidence that they may last as long as 10 years. Whoopeedooo! what happens after that? A rotate and balance?
They stressed that sales should resume only if Mentor meets some strict conditions:
1. Prospective patients must sign consent forms acknowledging implant risks, including that they ultimately may break and require removal or replacement. Like a freaking tire only how much wear and tear does a titty get? Will they require a disclaimer label like a pack of ciggarettes?
2. Mentor may sell silicone implants only to board-certified plastic surgeons who complete special "hands-on" training to insert implants in a way that minimizes odds of breakage. Ill sign up for that training...Hell even if I fail, the training has got to be lots of fun right?
3. Only one implant to a customer. Well now, thats confusing...does that mean what I think it does? Does the patient get to pick the left or the right?
Im picturing a lot of left leaning or right leaning Babes in the popular magazines of the day...do we get 1/2 off on the purchase of these mags since they will only be showing half as much?
What about Siamese twins who perscribe to a breast enhancement operation? By the way, does Blue Cross now cover this surgery? Or at least 1/2 of it?
What happens to the old "2 For The Price of One" sales on breast implant surgery?
I say, "Ban Rubber Cans." They look painful, and probably are, and now that the FDA has rules to regulate them, they are probably government property and illegal to touch, fondle, spindle, or mutilate much like your tax return which is not much fun anymore either...
There will likely be a new tax on "Titty touching" and I for one am not willing to pay another tax for another something that I rarely get to use, but only look at from afar. Its like paying a tax for a federally funded bridge in New Jersey....
Ill never get to use it, and only see it in a magazine or even if they were in my own bedroom, ill probably have to buy a Sunpass transponder, and pay as I go....
I hate how government works these days....didnt we fight a revolutionary war to curtail all these taxes? Next it will be a tax on penal implants and I will get taxed everytime I take a leak!
Aside from Mentor's three-year breakage study, the panelists found reassuring research from a British doctor who tracked 100 of his own patients and found 5 percent of Mentor implants had broken by around nine years. Freaking peachy...
So, Im copping a feel on a nine year old rubber boobie when it explodes, and I end up with a faceful and eyes full of bloody textile byproduct, and as the wounded bird is laying aside me, screaming and spewing petrol fuel all over the bed, my only recourse is to wait in line to sue another pharmecutical crook who has blinded me by virtue of their negligent production of yet another defective product? An exploding rubber boobie?
I say no! "No more rubber titties!" At least not without safety glasses! Lets think this thing out man!
FDA scientists said the British research was skewed because it included only volunteers and excluded women at high risk of implant rupture because of rocklike scar tissue.
More troubling, when women in Mentor's study chose to have their implants removed and not replaced, they were dropped from the study, Newburger said. That means no one knows if those women continued to suffer side effects.
What about the bystanders? What about me? What the fuck?
WASHINGTON — In a surprising turnaround, federal health advisers Wednesday recommended allowing silicone-gel breast implants to return to the U.S. market after a 13-year ban on most uses of the devices — but only under strict conditions that will limit how easily women can get them.
FDA's advisers said Wednesday that Mentor , a major provider of breast implants, had performed more convincing research that the implants only rarely break shortly after they're inserted — about 1.4 percent over three years — and showed some evidence that they may last as long as 10 years. Whoopeedooo! what happens after that? A rotate and balance?
They stressed that sales should resume only if Mentor meets some strict conditions:
1. Prospective patients must sign consent forms acknowledging implant risks, including that they ultimately may break and require removal or replacement. Like a freaking tire only how much wear and tear does a titty get? Will they require a disclaimer label like a pack of ciggarettes?
2. Mentor may sell silicone implants only to board-certified plastic surgeons who complete special "hands-on" training to insert implants in a way that minimizes odds of breakage. Ill sign up for that training...Hell even if I fail, the training has got to be lots of fun right?
3. Only one implant to a customer. Well now, thats confusing...does that mean what I think it does? Does the patient get to pick the left or the right?
Im picturing a lot of left leaning or right leaning Babes in the popular magazines of the day...do we get 1/2 off on the purchase of these mags since they will only be showing half as much?
What about Siamese twins who perscribe to a breast enhancement operation? By the way, does Blue Cross now cover this surgery? Or at least 1/2 of it?
What happens to the old "2 For The Price of One" sales on breast implant surgery?
I say, "Ban Rubber Cans." They look painful, and probably are, and now that the FDA has rules to regulate them, they are probably government property and illegal to touch, fondle, spindle, or mutilate much like your tax return which is not much fun anymore either...
There will likely be a new tax on "Titty touching" and I for one am not willing to pay another tax for another something that I rarely get to use, but only look at from afar. Its like paying a tax for a federally funded bridge in New Jersey....
Ill never get to use it, and only see it in a magazine or even if they were in my own bedroom, ill probably have to buy a Sunpass transponder, and pay as I go....
I hate how government works these days....didnt we fight a revolutionary war to curtail all these taxes? Next it will be a tax on penal implants and I will get taxed everytime I take a leak!
Aside from Mentor's three-year breakage study, the panelists found reassuring research from a British doctor who tracked 100 of his own patients and found 5 percent of Mentor implants had broken by around nine years. Freaking peachy...
So, Im copping a feel on a nine year old rubber boobie when it explodes, and I end up with a faceful and eyes full of bloody textile byproduct, and as the wounded bird is laying aside me, screaming and spewing petrol fuel all over the bed, my only recourse is to wait in line to sue another pharmecutical crook who has blinded me by virtue of their negligent production of yet another defective product? An exploding rubber boobie?
I say no! "No more rubber titties!" At least not without safety glasses! Lets think this thing out man!
FDA scientists said the British research was skewed because it included only volunteers and excluded women at high risk of implant rupture because of rocklike scar tissue.
More troubling, when women in Mentor's study chose to have their implants removed and not replaced, they were dropped from the study, Newburger said. That means no one knows if those women continued to suffer side effects.
What about the bystanders? What about me? What the fuck?
No comments:
Post a Comment