With the global banking systems all in a muck, Federal Reserve, International Banking System, United States GNP and Global financial crisis as it is...everyone is screaming and running for cover...The Dollar, the Yen, the Euro, the Drachma, the Ruble, the Peso are all in question as to the value and continued reliability to perform as a currency in the international market!
Im no mathmetician, but it occurs to me that if we had a safe currency that we could all get behind, all agree that it is safe to use and not worry about it's fluctuating value based on world markets...wouldnt that be something! The basic dynamic here is not the value of the currency, because in the end it will all be worthless, but the common risk of a currency...the value or loss thereof, that we can all fear collectively!
What is the one thing that we as humans all share in common that we can use, and count on to have an endless supply of? Simple...what do we all do each day on a regular basis that can be counted on as a contribution to a collective market system?
Shit!
Yes you heard me...Shit! What if we used our own feces and assorted animal feces as a form of currency?
Shit as a form of currency would become an immediate equalizer to the disparity in world markets. Everyone has shit...we can all make this currency as we need it, and all that remains in question, is the global agreement as to the common value of a pound of shit. For that matter, we are almost in agreement already, as to the common value of a pound of shit. Commodities and services have been unofficially measured in this undeclared currency for centuries, i.e:
"I wouldnt pay shit for that!"
"Their product isnt worth a pinch of owl shit!"
" I wouldnt give two shits for such and such..."
Actually, most products and services in our modern world, have been measured below this yet undeclared scale of currency, which is a good thing! It then sets the bar of quality and performance at a new and universally measurable level!
With this new common currency and common level of measurement, suddenly all products and services must now meet a common performance level! If goods and services are to succeed in the world market, they must be able to meet a newly declared common standard of performance! They have to be worth a shit!
This will undoubtedly improve the present world standard for production of goods and services which are currenlty rated at an unnofficial scale of not being worth shit. As well, the standard of expectations of global consumers will rise as well.
With the products they consume now being realistically measured by the amount of bile that one can push through thier own intestines in a given time, global consumers will enjoy a common sense of wealth based on their own ability to "Give a Shit!"
Obviously, a serious study will be required to determine what the monetery value of a turd will be worth in order to establish a fair and equitable exchange of payment for goods/services. There will be questions and challenges to the development of such a system.
Farmers will be challenged on the value of a cowpie vs. a cluster of chicken shit. Some will argue that a chicken is cheaper to raise and feed than a cow and therefore, their excrement is less valuable in currency strength. But then, dont we already pay more for a ribeye steak than a 1/2 dozen chicken wings?
Hunters will be challenged that a deer turd is worth nothing, since they did nothing toward the production of the deer turd, simply killing the deer, and basically stealing its financial fecal worth. Perhaps it may compel these otherwise Deer Shit Bank Robbers to farm the deer rather than shoot them! Then we have the issue of an overpopulation of deer compelling the Deer Farmers to sell permits to Deer Hunters to help control the population of deer, with the deer hunting permits being paid for with deer shit. Deer hunting permits being sold by the same people who are buying them in the first place! Aint that some shit!
Dog and cat turds and other doestic pets will come under similar scrutiny...was it a good dog? bad dog? whats a turd from a bad dog worth compared to a turd from Rin Tin Tin?
Wait!...Maybe the turd currency is not the way to go after all, ...maybe we should use something much more immune to dispute regarding its intrinsic value...Sand! Yeah sand!...its everywhere, and because its not subject to scrutiny as to is value...(after all, sand is fucking sand.) it wont suffer the discretionary battles of evaluation as would a bucket of horseshit!
But sand currency would pose a serious concern on the part of the planet conscious tree hugging custodians that would express a fear of sand horders who would erode the beaches of the planet for monetery gain. And rightfully so! Imagine the First Bank of :
- Anguilla, Caribbean
- Barcelona, Spain
- Bora Bora, French Polynesia
- Fernando de Noronha, Brazil
- Harbour Island, Bahamas
- Mykonos Island Beach, Aegean Sea
- Oahu, Honolulu
- Palm Beach - Aruba, World's Top Beaches
- Tulum Beach - Cancun
- Horseshoe Bay - Bermuda
Or so many others...Soon our continents would shrink as we spent the excavated sand currency to buy newly eroded beachfront property. Eventually Detroit would become a Riviera Paradise as our domestic consumption would eat up the entire east coast of real estate, and eventually states like North Dakota would experience a real estate boom with beachfront properties and become a surfing capitol of the world!
Imagine drunken Lakota Indians on surfboards driving Ferraris and such!
Naw naw naw, sand isnt the answer either...
Perhaps a currency based on a valued commodity that can be controlled and managed by a powerful cartel of responsible world business leaders who would care for the success of the planet, and a currency that would have real value for the entire global community! Something we could count on to establish a value based on its intrinsic worth to the global community that could be shared fairly by all...
Petroleum! Yeah that's it! Petroleum! ....Yawn....Ill think on this some more tommorrow...
